Being Buddies After A Break Up – Is That Even Doable?

Most people prefer not to be friends with their exes after a breakup because they feel that there will always be a lingering feeling of bitterness and resentment, which will make the friendship impossible to happen.If it is a really crappy relationship that ended in a completely shitty breakup, then the idea of being friends with the other person is definitely out of the question.However, being friends with an ex is not exactly an impossible feat as there are former couples who have managed to stay acquainted as friends even after the relationship is over.If you want to remain friends with your ex-boyfriend because you feel that he is an integral part of your life and you still care about him in a platonic way, you can still do so but you have to tread on this path lightly.Becoming friends with an ex can be a minefield that can blow up both of your future relationships if you cannot handle your emotions well.However, there are things that you can consider to make sure that fostering a completely platonic relationship with your previous flame will not turn out into a hideous disaster.More from RelationshipsAdvice: How To Make Him Express His Feelings To YouNever Rush Him into the Friendship StageThe one true fact about breakups is that most of them are totally messy. Even when it was not done with a chock-full of tears and spiteful words, a breakup will always be a grueling ordeal that both people in the relationship go through.If you are planning to become friends with your ex after you break up with him, never offer friendship right off the bat.Telling him that you can still be friends immediately after breaking up with him is very insensitive of you even when your intentions are clear.You just ripped his heart into pieces, and you are only adding insult to his wounded emotions when you delegate him that quickly into the dreaded area called friend zone.Do not ever think that you are doing him an immense favor by offering him to stay as platonic friends after the breakup.If you still want to be friends with your ex-boyfriend, give him enough time to move past the hurt before you explore the idea of becoming friends with him. You need to make sure that he has really moved on from the breakup and that he is completely over you.Know Your BoundariesOne major issue that makes being friends with an ex a complicated scenario is that you both have seen each other naked. You had SEX. Hence, it will be difficult for him to see you in a different light after being intimate with each other for months or years.Even when he does not have romantic feelings for you anymore, he will always have that image of you naked, as well as it will remind him of your trysts, so the possibility of friendship with him can be a little impossible.However, if you really want to stay friends and he is willing to still be friends with you, both of you should know your boundaries.In simpler terms, being ‘friends with benefits’ should never be an option even when your own hormones are raging because he just got way hotter than when you were romantically involved with him. Do not try to sleep together as it will only confuse him of your true intentions.If you plan to be friends with your ex, you have to make sure that there is a Great Wall of China with armed sentries at every post between your friendship with him and the idea of sex with him.More from RelationshipsAdvice:Why Do Men Pull Away In Relationships?Respect the New People in Your LivesIf your ex has found a new girlfriend, you have to make sure that being friends with him will not stir up trouble in their relationship. You have to assure his new partner that you will never be the leech that will suck the life out of their romance.Even when she welcomes you with arms wide open, you need to send her a reassuring message that you are not a threat.However, if the new girlfriend does not want you to stay friends with her boyfriend, you should totally respect that. It is obvious that she wants to find a place in his life without you in the same picture.Take Your Time (Lots of it!)Give yourself time to process everything.Focus on yourself and have some “me-time.”It’s good to have some time alone after devoting most of your time with your ex. Go out on your own and explore things that you haven’t tried while you were in a relationship. You’ll get to know more of yourself this way.Stop Blaming the Other Person You are allowed to be angry, but do not constantly blame your ex for the disintegration of your relationship.If there’s someone to blame, blame yourself.Accept your shortcomings in the relationship; there is nothing wrong with that. More importantly, choose to forgive and forget. You have to be responsible for your choices. Remember that every moment is a choice.Choose to Be HappyIt all starts with being happy. Positivity stems from happiness. When you are happy, you are brimming with positivity, and you will realize that it is way easier to accept that things do not work out the way you want them to.Getting over someone is very difficult. The same is true when you are considering whether you want to be friends with your ex or not. After a breakup, it is difficult to talk to that person you once loved.It becomes extremely difficult when your friends start to ask pressing questions that merit awkward answers and bitter smiles. This is completely normal and understandable because there’s a lot to take in and you invested feelings and time (and money) on that person.Staying friends- Is it possible?  It boils down to two answers: Yes and No. A lot of work has to be done before you can start being friends again. The key to making your choice work is that you have to be sure of yourself and that you are making the decision with the right intentions.Do you want to know exactly how you can make any man adore and cheerish you for the rest of your life? Checkout What Men Secretly Want by James Bauer to discover the #1 secret that makes every man chase you.

How To Deal With Criticism In A Relationship

Being criticized is a serious concern for many people, and worse, people worry about criticizing others, due to the fact they hate being criticized themselves. It’s a horrible feeling sometimes, especially if done in a vicious fashion.The truth is, having critical feedback can often be a good thing and is a vital part of any healthy relationship. However, in a bad relationship it can deteriorate relations and pull people apart, especially if the criticism is constant and excessive.Criticizing can indeed make or break a relationship, depending on if it’s done right or used as a weapon. There are a few guidelines you should follow if you want some things to change in your relationship, but are scared you’ll insult your partner by telling them:When You’re The One Doing The Criticizing:#  Start with a compliment before criticizing; don’t jump straight into your ‘attack’.# Express yourself explicit and don’t use words like “always, never”; exaggeration only fuels the potential for an argument.# Make sure that your partner still feels loved and respected.# Make sure that your partner knows that this is your opinion only, not necessarily fact.# Ask what you partner thinks about it. Be open and honest.When Dealing With Criticism In Relationships:# Ask if you don’t 100% understand the criticism; your partner might be saying one thing and you hearing another. Give them a chance to clarify what they mean; it might be totally different to what you heard the first time around!# Remind yourself that this is not criticism about you as a human but on a part of your behavior.# Remind yourself that this is only a personal opinion.# Accept whatever has been criticized and really think about if you feel that you want to change that; is it something you agree with?A good friend of mine who has been together with his girlfriend for 2 years came to me one day and told me: “She is constantly nagging and criticizing me that I should change myself, and only then she could truly love me. I’m feeling so pressured and I ask myself sometimes ‘is it worth to maintain this relationship with her?’”My Answer To Him:Trying to live up to your partner’s expectations will be deadly for your relationshipYou are not in this relationship to live up to HER expectations. A relationship that begins with the condition that you need to change first before she can truly love you is almost doomed to fail (if this problem isn’t addressed early on).However, it’s unrealistic to expect a relationship where both partners love each other completely unconditionally.At certain points, you just need to accept the behavior or opinions that you don’t like about your partner. Being accepting of your partner’s imperfection and character flaws is a fundamental part of loving your partner and developing a strong bond.Healthy relationships are also based on approaching your partner and try to find compromises that you both can handle.However, when compromising on something, you need to ensure neither of you are trying to attain something unsustainable, or one or both of you will likely end up deeply dissatisfied and unhappy.If you change something about yourself just to please your partner then you are at risk at losing yourself. While your partner’s happiness should be deeply important to you, don’t sacrifice your own sense of self and dreams. Remember that no matter what, you are still the most important person in your own life.If you change fundamental parts of yourself simply to please your partner, you’re going to end up depending on them for your self-worth and validation, a responsibility no partner can bear long-term.It would only make sense to change yourself, when your partner is the initiator, if you’ve already been considering it yourself – i.e. you make his/her goal, your goal.A Few Thoughts On Constructive CriticismIt’s okay to feel disappointed, hurt and angryIf something bothers you about your partner enough that it’s actually impacting you negatively, it is absolutely vital to tell your partner about it. Otherwise, your anger and disappointment will cause a rift between you two that your partner might not even be aware of or know the cause of.Try to tell your partner explicitly what’s bothering you and also let them know you’re telling them because you love him/her and you’re saying that because your relationship and your partner are important to you.Allow your partner to be disappointed, angry or hurt. You don’t have the power to prevent that from happening and it’s only natural your partner will express disappointment after finding out something about them is making you unhappy.The Art Of Criticizing And Getting Rid Of Your Bad Feelings SuccessfullyHow can I tell her that it’s driving me nuts when she’s coming home late? That he should wash the dishes without having to ask him every time? That I hate it when he smokes when I’m eating? That it annoys me so much when she’s interrupting me when I’m talking to someone else?We always encounter situations where we want to criticize our partner because he or she does or say something that annoys and upsets us.You know what you want to say but you might be afraid of the reaction of your partner, that he or she will take it as an offense, and become hurt and resentful.You want to tell them how you feel, but feel it would come off as insulting and critical (remember, when I say criticism, I’m talking constructive, not the hurtful kind).Try as you might, you have no idea how your partner will react to your criticism. You cannot determine or predict how your partner will take it and you need to be aware that no one likes to be criticized, even if you are trying to be helpful.But, and this is a big ‘but’, criticism is absolutely inevitable, whether you like it or not. Without feedback about doing something “wrong”, or that something’s getting out of control you and your partner won’t be able to develop further as a couple and move past things that are bothering you.Example: If the majority of the guests in a restaurant answer the question of the waiter/waitress “Is everything alright?” with “Yes, thank you” – although you didn’t like the food, then the chef won’t have a reason to improve his/her cooking skills.Criticizing and also accepting criticism is very important in any healthy relationship. There are a few possibilities to tell your partner what’s bothering you without him or her feeling snubbed which makes it easier to accept your criticism as a well-meant feedback. Here’s how…4 Tips To Turn Your Criticism Or Nagging Into Helpful Feedback That Won’t Upset Your PartnerTurn Destructive Critcism Into Positive FeedbackTip 1: Express your criticism in the “I-form”: “I’m feeling uncomfortable when you are smoking while I’m eating and would like you to…” instead of saying “You are so reckless, how can you smoke while I’m still eating?”The “You-form” e.g.: “You should…” and the assessment of your partner as a person like “You are being impossible, mean, unfair…” lead to your partner feeling offended which will automatically result in your partner getting extremely defensive and you will likely end up fighting over who is right, not necessarily over the issue itself.Tip 2: Ensure that your criticism is concrete and formulate it in a way that refers to a certain behavior in a certain situation. Generalizations as “You never do this…” or “You always do that…” will again result in your partner feeling treated unjustly which provokes the defensive behavior.Instead express it this way: “I don’t like it when you interrupt me when I’m talking to someone else. I feel stupid and disrespected.”Tip 3: Try to tell your partner what you like about his or her behavior. It will make it much easier for your partner to accept your criticism as he or she notices that you don’t dislike him or her generally.A better approach: “I like that you…I’m having difficulties that you…”Tip 4: It is also very helpful if you try to empathize with your partner a little bit and say: “I know that this is very important for you. However, I would like you to…”Conclusion1.)  Never criticize your partner, but rather the behavior you don’t like.2.)  No matter how clearly and calmly you express your criticism, you have no control of how your partner will take it and react. Be prepared for a difference of opinion; it’s normal.3.)  It is normal that people who are being criticized will get defensive over their behavior; no one likes being the baddie.4.) Criticizing is important for your own well being and the amount of happiness in your relationship; the worst thing you can do is allow nagging little things grow into resentful big things.5.) Feedback is necessary to develop yourself and your partner further – even though your partner might feel hurt at first. Just remember to remind your partner that you love them, despite some of the things you don’t like.No one is perfect, but there’s always room for improvement!